Woman having a video conference work meeting from home
During a crisis like the coronavirus pandemic, many of us are reluctant to ask for help in our daily lives or in the workplace.
An editor for Time Magazine acknowledged the unexpected challenges she and her husband faced when he fell ill with Covid-19. She needed assistance, but didn’t ask for it.
“We were people who offered assistance, not people who needed it,” she thought.
Eventually, she accepted the help of friends and colleagues who could see she was not as fine as she let on. Ten days later her husband got better and she learned a valuable lesson:
“You can survive alone, but you need others to flourish. The most dangerous pre-existing condition my husband and I had for fighting the virus was our devotion to self-sufficiency.”
The workplace is another area where people are feeling overwhelmed and are hesitant to ask for help. I’ve heard from people who tearfully tell me they’re exhausted as they juggle ever increasing workloads in companies that cut staff or delay filling open positions.
Wayne Baker, a management professor at the University of Michigan Ross School of Business, says we shouldn’t feel ashamed to ask for help. On the contrary, there’s power in the simple act of asking.
All You Have To Do Is Ask by Wayne Baker
“Not asking for help is one of the most self-limiting, self-constraining, even self-destructive decisions we can make,” Baker writes in his book, All You Have to Do is Ask.
“Without the help and assistance of others, we don’t receive the resources that we need to get our work done, to solve problems, and to fulfill our missions in the world.”
I emailed Baker recently to see if he feels the same way today as he did when his book was published in January.
“I think there is good reason to believe that people will want to help others now more than ever,” Baker says.
“Sure, you have to be sensitive about another person’s circumstances. But helping others is a stress reducer. It feels good to help others. It gives people a sense of purpose and usefulness. Plus, we empathize with the isolation and loneliness that many others feel. Connecting with others, asking for help and giving it, are ways to combat that isolation.”
Baker offers a five-step strategy that he calls the SMART way to ask for help.
Specific. A specific request is more effective than a vague one because it triggers people’s memory of who and what they know. For example, if you’re looking to change careers, be specific. Are you seeking advice? Are you asking for an introduction to a specific person in a specific field?
A vague request is unlikely to be answered.
Meaningful. When others know why you are making the request, they are more motivated to respond, says Baker.
If you’re making a request in the workplace, make sure your ask fits into the organization’s broader goals.
For example, when entrepreneurs ask investors for funding, they have to show how the capital will be used to solve a specific problem and, once the problem is solved, how everyone will benefit.
Action-oriented. “A request is not the same as a goal,” says Baker. A goal is a destination; a request is a call to action on the road to your destination.
Let’s return to the example of switching careers. Your goal might be to change careers, but your ask should be action oriented. If you need a referral from your network, then ask for it.
Realistic. A request should be “strategically sound,” says Baker. In other words, it can be a serious long-shot, but keep it within the realm of possibility.
Time-bound. Every request should have a due date. Many people fear that putting a due-date to a request might appears as too demanding. Baker says the fear is unfounded. “Actually, people prefer a deadline because it allows them to evaluate whether or not they will be able to follow through by the date.”
If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask. Baker says that we often underestimate the willingness of other people to lend a hand. “The truth is that people actually help one another more often than you might think.”
